I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
