I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
