So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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