remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
