smell my finger.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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