I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
