I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
