Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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