Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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