she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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