The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
