the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
