just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
3pm strippers are depressing
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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