Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
