I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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