Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
