I haven't been this sober since birth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
