She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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