her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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