last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
