need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
