Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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