You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
