Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize