Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
