i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
too bad you live with your parents still
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
