I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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