Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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