The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
