it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Text me some of your sweat
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