I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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