We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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