Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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