new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
