She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
