It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
