Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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