I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
