Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
