fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just had sex on a roof
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
