butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
