they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
