I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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