Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
