omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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