I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
