high people should be assigned attendants
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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