U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love you. Go after that dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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