There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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