atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
