when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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