i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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