Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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