i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
