dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
