hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
