Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the day after is always just damage control
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
