took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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