Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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