The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
