I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
