Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
