Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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